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Just jokes, folks.

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Lifestyle & Entertainment

Grocery executive denies record profits.

Bob Probert Bridge finally set to open.

Single guy who mostly just watches old Dick Cavett shows, still single.

Leafs to open next season against the Bonnyville Ladybugs.

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Artemis II crew “Just gonna chill in space” until Earth gets its shit together.

France files Human Rights abuse charge after humiliating 10-2 loss

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U.S. Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn fractures leg, will be humanely destroyed.

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Greenland gifted free access to Neil Young catalogue. Greenland thankful… but hoping for some happier tunes.

Netflix buys CBC for storage.

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Experts split over authenticity of ‘Titanic watch.’

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Jays blame lingering melancholy over Diane Keaton’s passing for World Series defeat.

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Rush adds Orion’s Belt and Andromeda tour dates.

America’s top comics flee oppressive government censorship to perform in Saudi Arabia.

Local man in eighteenth straight hour of ‘Shark Week’ dealing with some dark personal shit.

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Culturally progressive man reports feelings of guilt about inability to stop masturbating over Sydney Sweeney jeans ad.

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New Ramone discovered!

Cezanne’s ‘Pears with Stickers’ sells for record 225 million.

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Toronto man walks 3 city blocks without seeing a Dollarama, becomes disoriented.

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Leafs lose tee time to older, tougher golfers from Florida.

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Excitement builds for tainted Romaine season.

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Scientists hopeful they'll find loving ‘forever home’ for Dire Wolf they cranked out.

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