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 Elon Musk excited to have first friend ever. 

PutinCo. absorbs TrumpMerica Inc. 

 Danielle Smith says - “A few months working on the pipeline will straighten out these trans kids!”

CRA promises it will install the free McAfee trial after paying out millions to hackers. 

 Canadianer contributor, Everett Bundage, unexpectedly obtained this interview while responding to a Kijiji ad for gently used office furniture.

Service charges on laundering drug money at TD expected to sky-rocket. 

 Ottawa announces re-arranging of deck chairs at CBC.

 RFK Jr. caught trying to dump Moo Deng in Central Park.

 Ford pushes for surgeries to be allowed at convenience stores.

 Legitimate pet-eaters fear backlash after Trump comments.

 Trudeau desperately tries to avoid his Caucus meeting.

 Trudeau slips out of Parliament, into a canoe, and happily paddles down the Ottawa River to obscurity.