Ottawa -

 

Pierre Poilievre, the leader of the opposition, was found stumbling around in circles wearing nothing but an open housecoat and a ‘Make America Great Again’ ball cap on the front lawn of Stornaway during a blizzard this afternoon. After a medical crew tucked him into an ambulance, he was reportedly sobbing and muttering -- “But...but...I was so close... I had all my wedge issues, I did the right hateful things and stoked division wherever I could, I blamed everything on previous governments with no actual policies to correct anything... and then this.” The two people close to Poilievre, said he had been on an emotional spiral since Donald Trump referenced him, saying – “I don’t care who Trudeau’s opposition is.” Conservative insiders are re-convening behind closed doors to figure out a way to ditch him for someone likeable.