Ottawa -

 

“We became concerned when the usual whining about Trudeau faded and was replaced by a high pitched kind of squealing, mewly crying.” Said the nearest neighbours to Stornaway. “I mean, we’re used to him being kind of pouty and he’s never said as much as hello to us, but we still felt we should call the authorities.” The leader of the official opposition was found writhing in a large glue-trap in the basement of his taxpayer provided luxury home. One emergency responder said, “He was in a daze, no idea how long he’d been stuck there, he just kept repeating ‘Carbon tax Carney’, then would stop and try to rhyme carbon with other words, then he just broke down sobbing. Anyway, we hosed him off, not even a thanks. Just a smirk.”