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Just jokes, folks.

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-News Crawl-

Canada dispatches ‘Littlest Hobo’ to bite Trump in the nuts.

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HEADLINES

Men’s U.S. Olympic Hockey team subject to racial purity exam before shaking hands with Trump.

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Operation ‘Desert Distraction’ in motion.

Trump appoints inbred barn cat as U.N. Ambassador, denies cognitive decline.

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Trump threatens invasion unless Canada makes ‘straight version’ of Heated Rivalry.

Canada ensures shelves at Dollarama will remain well stocked.

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U.S. claims Greenland tried to ram it with SUV.

Trump reveals he’s actually been dead for 2 years.

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Alberta separatists unaware rest of Canada already thinks of them as a different country.

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Carney appoints Distempered Raccoon as new U.S. Ambassador.

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Poilievre’s wife and kids cross floor to Liberals.

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Hegseth orders ‘double-tap’ strike on Viking River Cruise.

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Carney balances pipeline announcement with purchase of eco-friendly, ‘reclaimed cork’ fighter jets from Holland.

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Venezuelan drug boat tour packages down sharply.

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