Washington -

 

As viewers sat with mouths agape at what appeared to be a rogue pleasure-bot stutter and trip over its words in the White house press room, the decision to live stream the firing squad death of the Fort Hood shooter, Nidal Malik Hasan, was cancelled. “Too much shock for the American people to handle in one term!” Said a Trump spokesperson. After it was discovered that it was actually Trump’s hand picked new press Secretary, Katie Zacharia, many reporters started to request that their news outlets actually be banned from the press room. Zacharia, who has claimed to be a lawyer, never actually passed the bar exam in California. Insiders say she will be reassigned to light housework for a few days.