Nuuk -

 

Just minutes after returning from a four hour visit to annoy some American soldiers in Northern Greenland, The Vice President turned Air Force Two around and demanded to know why this country which he says he loves, “Will not return messages, why it is ignoring him... and why doesn't it love him back!” Said an official from the VP’s office. Locals were surprised to see Vance in the capital. “It’s good he was wearing waterproof eye-liner, because he was really bawling, it was hard to watch, not manly.” said Hans Bikki, a local fisherman who witnessed Vance parked in a rental car outside a local watering hole. “He seemed to waver between rage and despair, then would burst into tears and go back to furiously texting.” Greenland has very strict stalking laws, mostly to do with hunting Elk out of season, but they are taking this irrational interest very seriously.