Ottawa -

 

In a desperate attempt to re-establish his control over a flailing Conservative party, the leader of the opposition went on a lengthy tirade against the beloved fall holiday, calling it “Organized welfare and socialism at its worst.” The statement took many in his own party by surprise, some of whom had already dressed in costume for a members party that was to take place yesterday evening. “Kinda hard to get behind a Halloween ban when you’re dressed like a pumpkin.” Said one baffled MP. Poilievre continued his angry screed claiming that the holiday was a Liberal ploy to distribute as much candy as possible to justify their multi-million dollar national dental program.