Washington -

 

“It’s terrible optics for us.” Said one maniac, who for obvious reasons, preferred to remain nameless. “It’s tough enough out there without this a-hole pretending he’s one of us! I mean, we’re hated, and it’s part of the allure of being a chainsaw maniac, but we don’t want to be that hated!” A group of maniac chainsaw killers are in Washington hoping to meet with congress about the damage that has been done to their reputation by Musk and DOGE. “So far we’ve had some interest from the more fringe MAGA types, but again, we’re seeking legitimacy, and we’re flattered that they’d like us to work for the president, but most of us are Libertarians although we’re not monolithic in our political thinking, there’s even a few of us who voted for Trump, sure, they’re regretful now... you try taking a chainsaw to a carton of eggs.”