Queens Park -

 

“Geeze folks, I’m as surprised as anyone that this power was bestowed on me, but I owe it to the fine folks of Ontario to save them from these vicious beasts! These aren’t your run of the mill squirrel hunting coyotes! We think that maybe a chemical spill, from a previous Liberal government, created this hybrid coyote, which needs human blood to keep its species alive! It’s possible they fell to earth from an unknown orb or it might something that was spawned here in Ontario by lingering NDP environmental policy, it all remains unknown! But until we can figure out a permanent solution, I will communicate with the pack leader. We’re on pretty good terms and he has expressed his desire for the Island airport to be expanded asap! His words not mine! Also, I feel any elections should be postponed until I, AND ONLY I, the coyote leader was very clear about that, can broker a peaceful outcome... let’s see Justin Trudeau do that!”