Caracas –

 

Once a thriving tourist attraction, the ‘be a drug smuggler for a day’ industry has completely evaporated. After the U.S. completely destroyed another alleged drug boat, the 21st in the last two months, curious tourists are opting for safer thrill-seeking options, like walking through the red-light district with American bills hanging out of your pockets or consuming questionable street fare from food carts. “Either way, it’s America making it tough on our business.” Said Carlito Perez, owner of a small group of boats. “Between tariffs and illegal boat bombings, most tourists are too frightened to spend a beautiful day on the ocean. I used to be able to take up to 15 families a day out on the open water, they’d laugh and toss fake bags of cocaine back and forth. Well, that’s all over now.” If there is one silver lining, the ‘Dunk Pete Hegseth into an alligator pit’ booths are raking it in.