Ottawa –

 

Continuing his uncanny inability to ‘read the room’, opposition leader and overall buzzkill, Pierre Poilievre, warned Canadians not to be distracted by this chance for Canada’s baseball team to win the World Series as anything but a smokescreen for the Liberal party to lead voters away from decades of corruption, despite Canadians from coast to coast, regardless of political stripe, rejoicing in the streets. “Obviously this was another attempt by the elites to trick you. Do not fall for it.” Said Poilievre, as wildly joyous sports fans celebrated in the streets and everyone forgot how shitty things are for a night. He then went back to looking at old photos of the Freedom convoy and quietly sobbing. Poilievre also announced a caucus retreat to meet with cabinet to come up with more ways to weird out the public and seem unhinged.