Ottawa -

 

“It was a surprise!” Said the newly elected PM. “A very pleasant trip otherwise. I thought it was a joke at first, but nope, I was singing Moon River there for a minute or two, they’re not messing around with this Fentanyl stuff!” After assuring U.S. security officials that the new measures to fight the valise full of the lethal drug that slips into the U.S. from Canada every year are showing results, the PM was nonetheless ordered aside and forced to strip in a poorly heated booth before being allowed into the States. “Could’ve been worse!” Said Carney later. “We still don't know where McGuinty is, lucky I still have some old banking pals in El Salvador, we’re looking into it.”