Ottawa –

 

An historic trade agreement between Canada and China will see that Canadians will never have to worry about inexpensive, toxic, off-gassing plastic products for years to come. “We were worried, afraid that voters wouldn’t be able to buy everything from toilet cleaner to plastic dinosaurs, to potato chips to scented clothes hangers in one place.” Said one trade representative. In the wake of a tariff trade war with Canada’s largest trading partner, the United States, Prime Minister Mark Carney called the nation that literally crushed students in the street -  “A more predictable trading partner than the U.S.” When asked about China’s dubious human rights records, Carney went on to say, “Hey, no one got shot in the face trying to drive away from a fake cop when I was there, plus…I’m a banker… bitch.”