Tampa -

 

After being fired by Donald Trump, the former Attorney General returned to her hometown to gather her thoughts and spend time with family, only to be greeted with an onslaught of lucrative job offers from hundreds of corporations. “Everyone from the Catholic Church to Wal-Mart!” Said an excited Bondi. “I had no idea I could make this much money deflecting sexual abuse charges as a freelancer!” No one was more loyal to Trump and no one worked harder to distract the voting public from hundreds of accusations that the President was and is a sexual predator who assaulted girls as young as 13. After her tireless service, Bondi was awarded with a days notice and no severance pay. She later told reporters – “Hey... here in Florida, 13 is a bit over the hill.”