Washington D.C.

 

“My bad, I left my office window open and whoosh! They’re gone forever, into the ocean, far away, nothing to see here, carry on, all back to normal, nothing in those files anyway.” Despite Washington being miles from any shoreline currently affected by the torrential hurricane currently ripping up the Eastern Seaboard, the Attorney General is claiming the Epstein files will never be recovered. When pressed about the unlikeliness of this happening, Bondi become angry. “I know it was unlikely, why do you think I had my window open?! Duh!”