Castlegar –

 

In a scene that resembled a Viking funeral, the citizens of Castlegar, a cut-off, insular town in B.C’s rugged interior, gathered to chant and offer a sacrifice to what’s known locally as - ‘The All-seeing Eyeball of Fire in the Death sky.’ “It’s just some roadkill we found out on highway 22.” Said one nervous participant. “There was talk of using some of the slower kids on the local boys hockey team, but cooler heads prevailed.” Castlegar has seen wildfires directly to the north but has yet been under siege by flame. The province has never seen a summer like this for wildfires so locals are pulling out all the stops to quell the rampaging wildfires.