Kiev –

 

“We realize our problems are nothing compared to the outrageous directorial snub for Barbie!” Said a military spokesperson between drone attacks and tank fire. “Eight nominations is a slap in the face to not only freedom, but everything holy! Now if you’ll excuse me I must go dig some civilians out of the dirt.” The Hague has yet to weigh in on why there was no directorial nomination for one of the years biggest hits, but it is expected to rule it a humanitarian crisis.