Toronto –

 

The termination of 4,800 jobs at Bell Canada is the latest step in focusing on what is considered to be the core asset of the company: Unemployment. “Making content, providing a service, customer appreciation, these are not our strengths.” Said Chief executive Mirko Bibic. “After decades of doing a shit job in all these frivolous pursuits, it’s high time we acknowledge that we are first and foremost an employee firing company”. The job cuts come after the Federal Government granted Bell Corporation $40M in annual regulatory relief - a move that Heritage Minister Pascale St-Onge is now describing as “oops.” As he was climbing into his limited edition Mercedes Maybach S680, Bibic became a little philosophical. “Somewhere along the line we forgot that when Bell started it was just Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson. We want to stay true to that vision by having two people left. “Me and somebody else. It doesn’t matter.”